What Do You Need?
2 Timothy 4:9-18
When he writes this letter, Paul is in prison and just earlier in the letter was ruminating on dying there. He seems to be losing hope because he is imagining dying there in prison sooner rather than later. But here in the closing half of the last chapter of the letter, Paul’s outlook gets a bit brighter and he says to Timothy, “Do your best to come.” Everyone else has deserted him. Can you hear the urgency as he tells Timothy, Luke is here with me, but bring Mark, get the cloak that I left in Troas, and don’t forget the books and the parchments. And be careful, this is a risky time. There are those that oppose our message. “At my defense no one came to my support, but all deserted me. But God will reduce me from every evil attack and save me for his heavenly kingdom.”
“What do you need?” is a powerful question because it communicates intention and consent. Asking what you need communicates your intention when you ask it. It communicates openness and curiosity and respect. When answering this question, you maintain agency, you still have power, you have the choice to say how and what you need. Such an exchange opens up the pathway to further conversation, even if the conversation includes you having to tell someone you can’t give them what they are asking for. The conversation has begun though.
I think the power of this question resides in the empathy that it communicates when we remain open, keep the question open, and open ourselves when we answer it. When we share something painful, or difficult, or unsettling, we do not need it fixed. Most things that we share that are painful, difficult, or unsettling, we cannot fix. What we need in response to such sharing is empathy. Empathy is feeling with people.
What people sometimes try to do instead is to offer sympathy. Sympathy tries to put a silver lining in the mess so that we don’t have to feel and enter the pain of the situation. So what sympathy does as a response is to disconnect us so that we disengage from one another. Empathy on the other hand connects us because it is a choice.
Reflection Questions:
What do you need?
When is a time you have been losing hope?
How have you responded at other times when someone asked you that question?
How has empathy over sympathy shared with you been more helpful over the years?